Let Their Confidence Shine – 10 Ways to teach your kids to have Confidence and a good Self-Esteem

We as parents no doubt want our children to be successful. 
Helping our kids to have confidence and a good self-esteem is one of the most important things we as parents can do to teach our children.  I recently read an article here and love what she defines confidence as…

“(Self Confidence) It is determined by three basic elements: our level of achievement, our sense of belonging and our level of self-esteem.”
“Self esteem is the opinion we have of ourselves.”

My husband and I have talked many times about how we can help our kids be confident and have good self esteem.  I came up with a list of ways we have tried in our family that have seemed to work really well for us.  We have 4 kids and they all seem to be doing fairly well in the confidence & self-esteem area. 

1. Teach them to Work and be Responsible –  I grew up doing jobs each day in my family.  I knew that I had to do these jobs and I worked hard at them.  Sure there were days that I whined or didn’t want to do them, but I always did them.  I knew that I wanted my kids to have a hard work ethic and to learn to be responsible.  Not just for their own things, but also for our household.  I have always felt that when you teach them to work hard and be responsible, as they grow up they will be confident in their abilities and good members of society willing to help others.   A few year ago I read a book called “The Parenting Breakthrough: Real-Life Plan to Teach Kids to Work, Save Money, and Be Truly Independent” by Marrilee Boyack.  It is by far one of the best books I have ever read about teaching your kids to be hard workers and be responsible.  Another book that I really like is called “The Entitlement Trap” by Richard and Linda Eyre.  both books teach such great things!
2. Encourage them but don’t push them – I think sometimes it is so hard not to push our kids to want to do what we think they should do.  This usually happens because parents want them to do what they did as children, or they want to live vicariously through them because they weren’t able to do it as a child.  I was a pretty well rounded child, I clogged, sang, danced, and played sports.   A few months back we got a basketball hoop.  My boys were drawn to it quickly, but my daughter has no desire to play basketball at all.  At first I encouraged her to play with me, but when I realized she really didn’t want to I decided not to push it.  She can kick the ball and play soccer, but as far as throwing and shooting a basket, she really doesn’t care.  We need to let our kids do what they want to do and encourage and support them in it!
3. Don’t be Nitpicky – No kids are going to be confident if their parents are always nitpicking their every move.  I remember the first day my daughter wanted to do her own hair…it looked awful.  Or the day that my son got himself dressed and was wearing two different kinds and colors of stripes. This is something I had a very hard time with at first.  It’s important for kids to learn to do things on their own.  So let them.   That doesn’t mean you can’t teach them.  I have since taught my kids about matching clothes and simple hairstyles they can do if they don’t want me to do their hair. 
4. You as a parent need to be self-confident – Obviously we have to teach by example.  It is such a hard thing sometimes to not say negative things about yourself, but how in the world are our kids going to have confidence and good self esteem if they don’t have parents that are showing them how!
5. Listen to, spend time with, and support each child – This really needs no explanation.  Each kids individually needs you to spend time with them, listen to them and support them in their extra activities, school work and everyday life!
6. Teach them to make goals and work hard to achieve them – I think this is one of the most fun things to teach my kids.  Whether it is reading a book, running a mile, doing a project.  We have actually sat down individually with all of our kids (well the older ones) and written out their life goals.  They have them hanging in their rooms so they can see them daily and work hard to achieve them. 
7. Teach them they can do hard things – One of the biggest things we have taught our kids is that they can do hard things. Lately this had become one of our family themes. We say it all the time. My kids just started Track Club through the summer, it meets once a week but they also encourage the kids to run a marathon through the summer. So we have been running one mile 4 days a week on top of going to track. Some mornings they whine, and say they don’t want to do it, but I nicely encourage them. “We can do it, it’s just 2 short laps around the block”.  And they do it and by the time we are done they are happy they did it.
8. Remember no child is the same – Each of my 4 children are different.  They learn differently, they play differently, and they need to be disciplined differently.  Our children are not cookies cutters of each other.  They are very very different.  Some might need extra help in school, some might need a little more time with you each day. You know your children,  look at each of them and see their needs.
9. Always let them know how much you love them – Showing our kids we love them is one of the biggest ways we can teach our kids to have confidence and a Good self esteem.  Children who don’t feel loved get shy and nervous around others.  They have no sense of belonging which affects how they feel about themselves.  Show them you love them by spending good quality and quantity time with them, listen to them, support them and encourage them.  But most importantly tell them how much you love them. 
10. Teach them how to learn of Gods love for them – When a child learns of God and his greatness and then learns of how someone so great loves them so much, it helps to give them a sense of belonging in the world.  Having this sense of constant love from one who is so great helps them through the hard times in their life when they are struggling with negative self talk and doubt.