Get excited for another sappy post from me about watching my kids grow up. Those that read my blog regularly know that it one of the hardest things in the world for me to see how fast my kids grow up. Birthdays make me sad because it means less years my sweet kids will be at home. I do put on a happy face for their sake, but inside I just want to go back to rocking them to sleep at night. Although, I will admit, I do really enjoy the little people they are becoming!
This last week a few thoughts about watching our children grow up came to me as I set off on a crazy adventure. Friday morning some homeschool friends planned a field trip to hike a Cinder Cone, aka an old volcano. I had done the hike once before with my husband and totally thought I could do it with my 5 kids, two being between the age of 3 and 1. I loaded up the baby in a hiking backpack, grabbed Little Mister’s hand and told the other three kids to stay with their friends and not go off the trail. I wasn’t too worried about them because we had about 25 people with us, they are all great hikers and I felt like they would be fine since the hike wasn’t really hard. As we started hiking I felt a bit unstable carrying my baby on my back. I sometime think the worst and worry that as I am going up I might fall backward or slip and hurt my baby. I let one of the moms who has older kids help me with Little Mister while I focused on trying to get up this mountain with my baby. I tried to remain calm, enjoy the beauty of the hike, but I was tired and the hike wasn’t as easy as I remembered it. Many times I had to stop and take a break, adjust the backpack, and then move forward knowing I could make it even though it was hard. Near the end of the hike there was a steep area, that was supposed to be the trail, with small rocks everywhere. As we took steps we would slide with each step. It wasn’t easy as I hunched over watching my steps to make sure I didn’t slide down. We finally made it to the top and I was so excited to relax , breath, and enjoy the beauty of what we just climbed. I got the baby out of the backpack and let him walk around with me. I fed the kids, mingled with the other moms and enjoyed my time at the top of the mountain.
My thoughts on this adventure comes in two parts. The first part of the hike really made me think a lot about when we first start out on our journey of motherhood with a new baby. We bring a sweet baby home with us and want to give it the best life possible. We hold the sweet child and protect it the best we can. We keep the baby close and pray we don’t mess up. Sometimes as moms to new babies we feel exhausted, like we can’t go on any longer, but we never give up, we just keep going no matter how hard or how tired we are! We feel a bit unstable, and worry a lot, and hope we are doing our best. Sometimes we feel like we can’t go any farther, but we plow through it, exhausted, praying we can make it through another day! Sometimes it takes some adjustments, help from those around us, and a lot of faith that we can get through each day. Once we get past that first year of motherhood we feel like we have reached the top of a mountain. The babies are walking, things get a little easier, we get a little more rest and feel ourselves again.
But then comes a new stage…
I decided to not carry my baby in the pack on the way back down. I still call him baby even though he is almost 2, That’s what you do with the youngest child, right? 🙂 I felt like he could hold my hand and slide down the steep part with me and then we could hike the rest together hand in hand. It started out that way, but he had a plan of his own. We started walking and when it got steep I would sit him down and help him slide down with me. We laughed so hard as we slid on this rockslide down to the main trail.
Once we got to the trail again we walked together hand in hand. I wanted to put him back in the pack and carry him the rest of the way, but he wouldn’t have it. He wanted to run! He wanted to be just like the bigger kids around him and hike without my hand. When I would try to hold it he got mad. So I would let go. This part of the trail was pretty safe, but had some rocks sticking up on the trail. I stayed right next to his side and didn’t let him be more than an arms length ahead of me. When I would see a rock he might trip on I would quickly pick him up and help him jump over it. After a while he would flip out whenever I tried to help him. He wanted to do it on his own. I stayed right by him. He would walk three steps then trip, cry and look up at me. I would help him up, he would reach his hands up to me to show me his “owies” (I couldn’t see anything, but they hurt according to him), I would kiss them, he would say “Thank you Mom Mom” and run right a long like everything was just fine! As if he was saying Help me Mom, only when I need help. Then let me go! Sometimes this whole thing would happened again just seconds after I let him go. Again I would do the same thing, help him up, kiss his little hands, tell him he was ok and let him go again. At one point it got to be a good amount of time before he needed help. He was finally getting it, learning to hike on his own, watch out for the rocks in his way and stumbled less and less as time went on.
There are a few things I learned from this part of the hike. As I was walking I remember looking down at him and I saw my shadow over him…
As I looked down at him and my shadow a few thoughts came to me. First, that If I stayed close by he would be ok, sure he might stumble and fall, but if I was right there to encourage him and help him up, he would get back up and keep going! This got me thinking a lot about parenting. This is exactly what we as parents are to do for our children, watch them learn and grow, stumble, fall, and encourage and help them get up and keep going. We can’t always carry them or protect them from the fall, but we can be right there for them when they do fall to help them back up! I thought a lot about my bigger kids and that even though I wasn’t right next to them, I could be there in an instant if I knew they needed me. I also knew there were other people along the trail who could help them out when I can’t be right there. As a parent I want so badly for my children to be safe as they embark on this journey of life. I know I can’t hold them or be right next to them the rest of their life. We as parents are here on this earth to help, love and encourage our children. We are here to teach them and instill in them the things they need to learn to get back up when life is hard! But there will come a time when we can’t be right there for them. Just like the quote says, we are the thrust and the aim of the arrow, our children, and we as parents have to trust the “Holder of the bow”.
As I walked with my baby I realized this is God’s relationship with us, and we as parents have to trust that he will help our children when we can’t. He is ALWAYS there, ready and willing to help us up when we are down. All we have to do is look to him and he will help us keep going in this life! It’s not always easy, and I think we as human beings think we can do it on our own. Just like my little boy wanted nothing to do with me as he was running down the path, he didn’t think he needed me, until he fell, then he would cry and look to me for help. Then he realized he did need me. We can’t do life on our own. We need God in our life every step of the way to help on this journey! He loves us and is willing to be there for us always, we just have to let him into our lives and ask him to help us. That doesn’t mean he won’t let us stumble and fall, for that is where we truly learn to reach up to him and ask for his help.
I’m grateful for this journey of parenting. It’s not easy, but it is so rewarding. It’s hard to see our kids grow up and struggle through life, but it’s amazing to see them get back up and keep going! It’s also wonderful to know that we have God as a partner in this parenting thing. He wants the best for us and our children, we just have to ask!
I love the quote that I attached to the picture above. Jeffery R Holland also said following that quote, “Carl Sandburg once said, “A baby is God’s opinion that life should go on.” For that baby’s future as well as your own, be strong. Be believing. Keep loving and keep testifying. Keep praying. Those prayers will be heard and answered in the most unexpected hour. God will send aid to no one more readily than He will send it to a child—and to the parent of a child.”
Enjoy the adventure! It goes by way to fast!
Love this Kendra!
Beautiful! I loved this. Thank you much for sharing.
This was a beautiful post. I find so much application for this idea “help me, then let me go” right now with my older children. I still long to hold them close, but I see how ready they are to blossom into independent, (sometimes) responsible individuals. I think the lesson I need to remember right now is that sometimes the best thing I can do to help them is let them go–even when I know they may not make the best choices. This is so much easier said than done, but something I am practicing daily!
I have two boys, a 12-year-old and a 2-year-old. Raising my first son has taught me that the time really does go by way too fast. I’m grateful for that perspective as I raise my second son. I try to enjoy each day with both of them.
This analogy is so true to parenting and the Gospel. I have a 17 month old who is already becoming very independent and my older daughters are already publishing books, blogging, and public speaking. I am like you, I am proud of their achievements and their growth, but it seems they need me less and less each day. I always say that my job as a parent is to work myself out of a job, and it’s happening faster than I expected.
Another beautiful post, Kendra! That quote from Elder Holland really rang true to me when he said it.
It’s not easy to do as parents, but we have to trust the Lord (for they were His before they were ours and He loves them more than I can comprehend) and trust ourselves, that we have done and are doing our best, and that will be enough.