The Day I Became a Mother…

The day I became a mother….I remember it like it was yesterday.  It was 12 years ago today. A day I had no clue how to prepare for, even though I thought I was prepared. I had read all the mom books.  I knew what her schedule should be. I had taken child development. We could do this!!  People had told me how quickly I would love this child, I didn’t understand that until they placed her in my arms.  After laboring through the night, at 6:27 a.m. we welcomed this beautiful blonde haired joy into our family.  I looked at my husband with tears in both our eyes as the doctor announced, “It’s a Girl.”After enduring 9 months of pregnancy, there SHE was.  I was beyond excited for it to be a girl, I wasn’t opposed to a boy, but for some reason I wanted to have a girl be my first.  Everyone said it would be a boy, that’s just how my husbands family has children….boys first.  As they placed her in my arms this rush of emotion came over me.  So much happiness filled my whole being.  I couldn’t believe it was a girl.  I couldn’t believe she was outside of my belly and not it.  I couldn’t believe I was holding my daughter.  I was so happy, a little scared, but mostly happy. I held that baby in my arms the whole day, she was so beautiful.  She was mine. She made me a mother. Those first few months I would love to say were filled with sweet baby bliss, but they weren’t.  She was not an easy baby.  I was exhausted. She was colicky, she had reflux, and I cried every day worrying I had no clue what I was doing.  I probably didn’t.  They say mothering comes natural.  I think it did for the most part, but it was hard work.  After she got through the baby stage, she really was a pretty easy child, and has continued to be.  I mean she, like any little girl, had her days, but it got easier.  Her being my first, I know I have made mistakes, not said or done things the perfect mother would do,  but looking back over these past 12 years, she has been a huge part of making me who I am today. Of shaping me to become a mother.  The greatest job in the word. And I must be doing something right because she is one amazing girl.Saturday I was at the store buying her a birthday present.  She asked for a reading chair for her room, and a bow (like bow and arrow set). (I know, Right? She’s my country girl, she really wanted a horse, but that wasn’t going to happen)  As I walked past the whole toy section I got very teary. Sure I could buy her Legos, or maybe even a Barbie and she would still play with it occasionally, but I realized that for the most part that that stage of my little girls life is over.  I walked past all the baby dolls and remembered countless days that we would play baby dolls together, or set up all of her Little People toys and pretend the princess came to visit the farm.  Those memories are such a joy, and always will be. I don’t know why, but the age of 12 scared me.  I guess I knew that 12 was an age of change, an age where she would go from my little girl to my not so little girl. She would go to Young Women’s, start middle school and go though puberty (*insert “ahhhh”). As much as I didn’t want this day to come, it’s here. When she wakes up this morning she will be 12.  I look at her and see the amazing little lady she is becoming.  I’ve already shed tears this week.  I cry every birthday in the morning before my kids wake up, but for some reason this whole week I have felt a lot of emotion leading up to today.  She is very very ready to be 12, I guess I’m just not ready to let her be, but I have to be. I am so grateful I am a mother today. After this sweet girl, came 4 wonderful boys.  I savor every day with them.  How blessed I am every day that God sent her to me first, I needed her.  That she is mine here on this earth. That I get to be her mother, her friend and her cheerleader in this life!  Being a mom isn’t easy, we like to pretend we know what we are doing.  We don’t. We have to keep our eyes open and pray each day that we can be the best mother for our children.  I am so grateful to God, despite my imperfections, that he has given this child, and my other children to me.  That day I became a mother for the first time was the best day ever!