10 Tips to a Happy Marriage

This month is #HappinessHappens month!  Who knew!?!  I didn’t until someone told me the other day!  Google it, you’ll will see that it is!  Anyway, what is Happy?  The dictionary says it’s “feeling or showing pleasure or contentment: having a sense of confidence in or satisfaction with (a person, arrangement, or situation):  satisfied with the quality or standard”  So in simple terms,  Happiness, or to be Happy, means to have contentment & satisfaction in life, or in a situation.  So today, in honor of #HappinessHappens month I wanted to talk about how to have a happy marriage.  

I first want to start by saying I am no expert!  I promise that my marriage isn’t perfect. We have our share of struggles, but I can tell you that we truly have a happy marriage despite the struggles. Happiness isn’t all about him bringing me roses, giving me foot massages every night and doing the dishes at the end of the day.  Yes, those things make me temporarily happy, but to achieve true happiness in marriage takes a lot of work and effort from both the husband and the wife.  If you have a happy marriage it doesn’t mean you might not argue or be frustrated with each other.  Those things are normal and happen every so often in a marriage.  No one is perfect in the relationship, so we have to work towards a happy marriage Every. Single. Day.  

This last week in my church meetings we were talking about marriage and family.  At the end of the lesson the lady asked everyone to say something that has helped them in their marriage, and what made them maintain a happy marriage.  I loved all the things everyone said so I decided to write some of them down and share them when you today!

10 Tips to a Happy Marriage

Find Common Interests – You obviously started dating each other because you liked to be around each other.  Once people get married and start having kids it seems like they let go of things they love to do, especially those things they love to do together.  Do something you love to do together, whether it’s reading a book, going on a jog, rock climbing or just snuggling up to a netflix movie once a week. Do it!  

Go on a Weekly Date Night – This is one that my husband and I have struggled with.  Not because we didn’t want to go out on a date weekly, but because we were poor starving collage students the first 9 years of our marraige and couldn’t afford a babysitter or even think about going out and spending any money.  We also struggled finding a babysitter we felt comfortable with.  Well folks, dating doesn’t’ have to cost money, although it is nice if you have some to go buy a treat or go out to dinner once in a while. Now that I have a child old enough to babysit we take full advantage of that and go on a date every week!  It has been SO good for our relationship.  Also, you don’t have to leave home to keep dating.  The first years of our marriage we would date at home.  He would bring take out home and we would watch a movie once the kids went to bed. Sometimes we still do that. Last week I had received some delicious cheesecakes in the mail so we snuggled up to a movie and cheesecakes for our date night!  

Build Trust – Marriage isn’t always easy, especially when you are first starting off.  You have to learn to make yourself vulnerable to each other. Sounds kind of strange, but none of us are perfect and we need to know that when we go to our spouse with a problem, that they won’t offend us.  We don’t want to have to be guarded around our spouse, we want to know that if there is a problem, or a struggle, whether its your own issue or an issue regarding the relationship, that you can talk about it with open honest fearless hearts.  You have to be ok with showing your spouse your weaknesses and trusting that they won’t offend you. This also involves showing empathy. Something that you see important might seem silly to your spouse.  For instance, when I first got married I thought I needed to look my best every second of the day for him.  I’m not sure why I felt this way, but I did. (We all do silly things to impress our spouse when we first get married)  I would wake up before him every day and put makeup on and be dressed.  In fact that first 6-8 months of our marriage I don’t think he ever saw me without makeup on and my hair done.  One day he told me that he really didn’t care if I had make up on or not.  He wanted to see me for who I was, not all done up every day!  That helped me SO much to know that he would love me no matter what I looked like.  Another example is when I told him I felt fat for the first time.  At first he wasn’t very understanding and kind of laughed it off.  That frustrated me.  As I talked to him about my feelings he eventually started to understand and not laugh at my feelings, even though they were somewhat silly to him.  

Help Each Other Out – In the scriptures it talks about us be a “Help Meet” to each other.  I think men and women each have roles and distinct things they bring to the table in a marriage, but I do think that they should help each other out. Marriage isn’t a 50/50 thing.  Each person needs to give 100% or more!  Whenever my husband needs help with work stuff, yard work or other things, I try to be aware of it and jump in and help when I can.  Whenever he comes home from work he doesn’t just sit down and relax for the evening.  He helps me with the household and parenting duties!  Another thing that I think of when I think of helping each other out is supporting each other in our own endeavors.  A few times a month I just need to get out of the house with some other mamas and not be mom for the evening.  My husband fully supports this and when he has things he likes to do come up, like rock climbing with buddies, I encourage it. Don’t try to Change Each Other – This is simple, yet sometimes hard to do. Sometimes we might not like something about our spouse, so we take it into our hands to try to change them. You can’t.  It’s ok to talk to them about things that you might struggle with in a kind way, but to be the one to change them just won’t happen.  Also, maybe look at yourself and think if there is something you need to change! 

Maintain a Healthy Physical Relationship – Yup, holding hands, hugging and being intimate are a huge factor in maintaining a happy marriage.  Remember when you were dating and you couldn’t get your hands off each other. You had to be touching every time you were together because you liked each other that much?  Why does that sizzle seem to go away during marriage, especially after having kids? Don’t let it.  It’s fine for you kids to see you holding hands, snuggling up to each other and kiss every so often!  Find a time in your marriage to maintain that physical relationship!

Do Everything With Common Consent – So many marriage fail because of money issues.  Spouses buy things without the consent of  the other and issues arise.  My husband and I have a agreement that if we are going to spend money, we talk about it.  I had a vacuum salesman at my house once and he was trying to convince me to buy this crazy expensive vacuum.  I told him no, he pushed on. I said I wouldn’t even think about buying it unless I talked to my husband first.  He tried to give me great marriage advice by saying that it’s easier to get forgiveness than it is to  to convince him I wanted the vacuum. I kicked him right out the door.  I want my husband to know he can trust me, and vice versa.  Communicate on a Daily Basis – Communication is key in a relationship, especially in maintaining a happy marriage.  I love talking to my husband.  I call or he calls me from work a couple of times a day, just to see how each others days are going.  We also love to sit down at the end of the day and just chat after the kids have gone to bed!  Communication is KEY to a healthy happy marriage.

Have Patience, Be Understanding and Forgiving – These are pretty self explanatory and I kind of clumped 3 things into one, but all 3 of these words work together in achieving a happy marriage.  In a marriage we have to be patient with each other.  Sometimes we might not understand what the other person is going through, so patience and understanding are very important.  We also know that we all make mistakes.  Be forgiving and learn to say “I’m sorry” or “I forgive you” when something happens.  I remember once one my husband took one of my favorite t-shirts from high school and decided to rip it up to use as a rag to clean his motorbike.  I was livid!  He said he had never seen me wear it and thought it was just a junk shirt.  I felt frustrated with him, but I knew it was an accident and through understanding his point of view I was able to forgive him.  (although still to this day I wonder why he didn’t grab one of his own t-shirts??…Oh well)

Kiss, Hug, Laugh and Say I Love You Every Day – It’s that simple!  A happy marriage isn’t easy, but those 4 things can make a huge difference.  It wouldn’t hurt to do them more than once a day!I might also add vacation together. Even if it’s just an overnighter.  I love spending that alone time with just he and I.  It strengthens our relationship and helps us remember why we fell in love!  So there you have it.  A happy marriage isn’t just something you get once you get married.  A Happy Marriage is something you have to work hard for!

I would love to hear any other suggestions you might have in achieving a happy marrriage!